The wife of a senior colleague has passed away yesterday, after a long battle with cancer, and we visit their house to pay our last respects. She lies on the floor in the hall, surrounded by her family. Her husband stands silently, acknowledging our greetings. Her daughter sits by her side. She is touching her mother’s face gently and the movement of her fingers and the look on her face reminds me of how a mother would touch her sleeping child. Her young son, her mother, her brother – the room is filled with the sorrow of the people who love her.
I look at the still body, at the face that is so peaceful. Too young, too young to die. I reflect on how her daughter forced herself to write an exam today, about how the young son will have to perform the last rites of his mother. From where do they find the courage? And then I remember their mothers last few months – battling the disease and the disfigurement and the pain – cooking for the family, trying to keep going –I think I know where the courage comes from, and I try to tell myself that some things don’t die.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A few bad men
A Few Bad Men
I’ve been watching (students, friends) and hearing about gorgeous, intelligent women falling for completely rotten men, and wondering why. What is the basis of this so called falling in love/lust? What attracts us to a person? What is it about someone’s eyes/voice/hands that tend to disconnect your brain from your actions?
I read sometime ago that chemistry and instant attraction is based on long ago patterns of survival; basically the selfish gene making sure it gets propagated. Therefore, men tend to get attracted to women with an hourglass figure – women with high levels of progesterone tending to reproduce effectively. (This answered a question that’s bugging me for a long time – how on earth men can like women with practically nothing above the clavicle.)
Females on the other hand would like someone who could provide for the offspring, and tend to gravitate towards guys who are competent. Looking back, I think it’s true. All the guys I have fallen for were, without exception, intelligent – even the slightly creepy ones.
But, if the ladies fall for intelligent men, and the gentlemen (less evolved ) fall for what is their concept of good looking women, it still does not explain why women get attracted to arrogant, selfish types who dominate them, tell them what to do and treat them like their brains are merely incidental.
Bewildered.
I’ve been watching (students, friends) and hearing about gorgeous, intelligent women falling for completely rotten men, and wondering why. What is the basis of this so called falling in love/lust? What attracts us to a person? What is it about someone’s eyes/voice/hands that tend to disconnect your brain from your actions?
I read sometime ago that chemistry and instant attraction is based on long ago patterns of survival; basically the selfish gene making sure it gets propagated. Therefore, men tend to get attracted to women with an hourglass figure – women with high levels of progesterone tending to reproduce effectively. (This answered a question that’s bugging me for a long time – how on earth men can like women with practically nothing above the clavicle.)
Females on the other hand would like someone who could provide for the offspring, and tend to gravitate towards guys who are competent. Looking back, I think it’s true. All the guys I have fallen for were, without exception, intelligent – even the slightly creepy ones.
But, if the ladies fall for intelligent men, and the gentlemen (less evolved ) fall for what is their concept of good looking women, it still does not explain why women get attracted to arrogant, selfish types who dominate them, tell them what to do and treat them like their brains are merely incidental.
Bewildered.
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